Life decisions in the courtroom of our minds

When you keep waiting for a long period of time for a certain life changing event to happen, there comes a moment when the perspective of that change to happen becomes less and less favorable. Even though you’ve always wanted that change so badly to happen. Even though you believed that this change would add that little something to your life. You realize, that what you already have might just be what you wanted.

At one moment, you go into your theoretical mental court, outweighing all the different sides. Trying to figure out if the path, that you once defined as non-negotiable, is still the one you want to walk on. It seems to me, as if we all have individual time periods for big life changes, that can only happen in a specific time slot – and once they get closer to the ending of the time slot, a big trial opens up in our minds. A big life decision trial, where we seem to be more and more tending against the big change to happen.

The theoretical lawyer, that defends the side that wants to continue with life as it is, has too many arguments to win his case. He knows the situation all to well and gets fed on a daily basis with visual proof about why he is right:

‘Life is good right now. Change would make everything more complex, erasing some of the cozy, fun and lovely habbits you’ve created for yourself. Who would want that. Who, I ask, dear judge.’

Mr Lawyer Allisgood

The other lawyer, who’s on the side of the big life change, gets exclusive insights from the external world, that come from time to time in a massive abundance and with a big hammer. With these facts, she underlines her arguments in court with emotions that hit hard. While the second lawyer states her point of view, the judge gets teary and nods occiassionally:

‘Of course, everything is fine right now, sure it is. [Lawyer turns dramatically to the jury while pausing for a moment] But who would decide against something, that might bring you a lifetime of new, fresh, exciting, memories? Imagine the possibility of losing that…. [Judge sighs one inch too loudly] … I for myself couldn’t handle that regret – and imagine it was all your fault, because you made that big life decision once. [Lawyer shakes her head signaling a heavy ‘no’]. You wouldn’t want THAT, dear jury. I mean, WHO would want that.

Mrs Lawyer Dontregret

The audience can feel the tension in the room. Two opposits, strong opinions but also strong pros and cons. And a decision to take.

When you are waiting for a life changing event to happen – let’s say you wait for that round trip around the world, that move to another country, that move into a new house or flat, that child to extend the family – and it just doesn’t happen out of various reasons, you start to wonder:

Is that change, that I once wanted to happen so badly, still what I want for my future at this season of my life?

Is it too late? Have we’ve gotten too comfortable and grown that we lost the naivety of just going with that change?

While these sensitive time periods may be true for all phases of our lifes, I found this especially true in our thirties. Let’s be real – we do not have our shit together at this stage of our lifes, but we have seen a lot of different ways of living and have carefully crafted one of our own. When you are living a life, that makes you already feel complete, satisfied and joyfull 9 out of 10 times and then decide to leave some of that behind. So what is it truly, that you will gain from that change? What makes it harder is a mixture of loss of naivety of going with the flow and the loss of wanting to leave the comfort zone, for sure. A loss that grows with age.

What if our mind is that intelligent, to make a final call for us, long before we know it. That little brain of ours, who’s more strategic than the lawyers. Who made his statement long before we go into court. Because it is tired of waiting around. Tired of that “what if” spiral and those in circles going thought patterns. It’s putting the facts all together and realizing:

My friend, it’s about time – we need to move on.

It is whispering to our unconsciousness: I think we might need to adjust, keep looking at perspectives that are out there, not the one’s that are not going to happen any time soon. And then it is sending us pictures to convince us, a collection of ‘what if’s – the possible and state of the art edition’. And that collection has beautiful pictures in it.

I – the Judge – am not convinced yet, by either of these sides. And I still believe I haven’t allowed all the witnesses to speak up yet. We will see. What I say is this: I don’t know if I am ready to let go and ready to let go yet. Let go of what is or let go of what might me. It is a heavy life decision.

Now, let’s pretend you are part of that jury. What would you decide and state? I’d be happy to hear your thoughts on this in the comment section down below. So thankful to have your insights on that topic, helping one lawyer or the other.

All the love from me to you,


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